I'm not entirely sure exactly what it is that changes as we grow older, but at some point we all look back on the things we have done and wonder, "How the fuck have I survived this long?" This will be my new topic of exploration until something more interesting pops into my head. (As I'm obviously struggling already, just be grateful that I'm writing at all. I am.)
From the ages of two to nine, I lived in Jakarta, Indonesia. If you have any notions of me living in a hut without running water, you are silly. Jakarta is one of the biggest cities in the world. Though it is a large city, it's still in a country that is entirely tropical. The plant and animal life there is beautiful, and, like any tropical area, full of shit that will poison you.
When I was about four or five, my Aunt got married. My parents and I flew to Ohio to partake in the ceremony. As an adorable child, I was automatically chosen to be the flower girl. As an already self proclaimed tomboy, I was extremely unhappy about it. My Mom and family members seemed to relish the sight of me in awkwardly foofy dresses, the kind that make you look as though you've been plucked right out of a Disney movie, poofy sleeves and all. Every time they put me in one of those tulle torture devices, I exacted immediate revenge by acting like a cave child. This time, I decided I would eat the flowers.
Just before I was to make my way down the aisle, I stuck a petal in my mouth. They were real flowers, but for some reason (maybe it was the bow around my waist constricting my breathing) they tasted exactly like sugar. Oooh! Sugar! The crack of the young! I walked down the aisle alternating between tossing a petal to the floor and shoving a fistful in my mouth. I can honestly say this is the ONLY thing I can remember about my Aunt's wedding.
After that day, I spent the next 9+ years of my life trying to figure out what those flowers were. . .so I could eat more of them. This is where the "I'm surprised I didn't die" part comes in to play. I'm not sure whether my family just couldn't tell me what they were, or if I didn't think to ask, but I determined I would have to search for the magical sugar flowers of my aunt's wedding by another means...I would eat at least a leaf from every new plant I came accross.
Remember now that I was living in Indonesia, home to many plants that are poisonous. Here I am sneaking bites of any plant I can find in a land where plants can kill you. After having exhausted all the plants in our tropical garden (which was huge), and any I found around school, I moved on to the plants I encountered on our trips to visit family in the Philippines. The Philippines, by the way, are also tropical; therefore they are also home to plants that can kill you.
Neglecting the fact that I ate 100+ varieties of potentially poisonous flora, Indonesia and the Philippines are also home to many animals that like to live in/around plants. Animals which can also kill you. I ran into a few of these critters in my quest for the sugar flowers. After an extremely traumatic run in with a huge spider (non plant related), I always checked for spiderwebs, so that wasn't an issue. I have however been stung by the hairs of a neon green caterpillar, almost put my hand on a bright red frog, scared myself to tears when something I'd thought was a leaf jumped, and discovered that cobras did in fact live in my yard.
If you've done the math, you've noticed that 9+ years plus 4 years = 13+ years. Yes, I did continue my tasting after I'd already moved to the States. Though I've been nibble free for quite a few years now, I do get an occasional craving for a young pine needle shoot. I never did find out what that flower was, and am considering it evidence that I was born bat shit crazy.
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